still a great one

I was recently reading another blog I regularly check in on, and the title of this particular post, "selective editing" caught my attention. What I read in her blog has stayed with me and I have thought about it over and over. She was talking about all the "perfect life" blogs, and how these blogs are filled with smiles and bliss, and it makes you wonder if you are the only person in the world with problems. To quote her, "It's easier to show the happy and sunshine, and I think that's the stuff most people want to see, but I know sometimes it's comforting to be reminded we are all editing. we bloggers select what you see and read and what you don't." Like I said before, this has stayed with me because I have been thinking about this very thing for a long time.

It easier, and honestly a lot more fun, to write about all the good things going on in life--I mean, look at the title at the top of my blog, GOOD TIMES--isn't that what it's all about?! I love to take pictures. I love my husband, my boys, my family, and my life. But sometimes life throws curve balls at you that you don't expect, and those are the hard things to write about. Today I'm changing that.

I love writing this blog, but I have been selectively editing for a long time now. With everything that has happened lately, I think it's time we share what has been going on behind our "perfect life." Don't get me wrong, though, because we do have a great life, but we also have our challenges.

It was almost exactly a year ago when we met with Will's Nursery 3 preschool teacher, the school psychologist, and the school principal, to discuss what they felt was going on with Will. Without going into all the details, it was a mutual decision that Will needed to find a school that would better fit him because he was such a challenge. He couldn't sit still for longer than a minute, if that, and basically one teacher--of the three he had that year--was assigned to constantly supervise Will. Jake was also somewhat of a challenge in this situation, because they were in the same class. Jake was doing what he could to "help" Will, but bless his heart, it was really only hurting Will when Jake would answer for Will and do everything for him. It was then we decided that they will probably never be able to be in the same class again. Needless to say, the situation was a lot more dire than either of us expected.

We spent the summer trying to figure out what to do with Will. We saw a pediatrician up at the University of Utah last July. Then we were scrambling around trying to figure out what preschool to send him to. Fortune, good luck, or whatever you want to call it, was on our side as we managed to get a place for him at the Newcastle School in Draper (aka: the "apple school"), with the most incredible teacher, Miss Jeri. I can't even beging to describe what an amazing teacher and friend she has been to Will. For the first month and a half Will was at school, either Daren or I was there with him the whole time, to help him (and Miss Jeri). After that we were phased out, but we kept close tabs on what was going on. Jeri told us time and again that someone like Will would be so easy to let slip through the cracks and brush off thinking that another teacher could take care of this problem child another year, but she wasn't going to let that happen. We knew that she genuinely cared and was invested in what happened with Will. She has worked so hard to get him where he is now. He started almost a year behind where the rest of the class was (did I mention there were 11 other boys in his class?! And they are all so cute!), and he has managed to do some catching up, but still he is behind. After months and months of work, he still could barely sit still, and all this was hurting his ability to learn and grow as a student.

In the meantime, throughout this school year we have done all kinds of different testing with him, including the Children's Center at the U of U, all kinds of tests with the Jordan School District, and finally meeting with a neuropsychologist. Jeri, and Kathleen (she and her husband own the Newcastle School), were so helpful in encouraging us to get with the school district, and have been so encouraging all year long, and we are so grateful for them. After several tests with the school district, it was determined that Will qualified for the preschool they offer for kids with learning difficulties, or special needs. He started that class after we got back from spring break in California. So, at this point, I had 2 preschoolers in three different schools!! I was going a little crazy, to say the least. And I have to say that we wouldn't be where we are today without the help of Daren. He has been at almost every appointment we've had and has been incredible throughout all of this. He can really articulate well the struggles Will has (and it's not only at school, but at home too)--and he has a better memory than I do. He has been a real support and help to me and Will, and I love him so much.

Short story long, Will was diagnosed by the neuropsychologist to have ADHD, and after meeting with the school psychologist at Riverton Elementary (who also has ADHD) and our pediatrician, we decided to try medication for Will. Even after I got the prescription, it still took me a week to finally decide to try the medicine on him (once again, Jeri was very helpful in talking me through it all). I was very hesitant about it--are you kidding me, giving pills to my newly-turned 5-year old? He's only 5!! From the beginnning of this whole process, I had a few people basically say that they thought we were crazy for worrying about a 4-year old, and that he would grow out of it. But recently all the teachers and doctors we have met with have said how amazed and glad they are that we were so dedicated to helping Will, because so many kids aren't even diagnosed until the 2nd or 3rd grade when it has become a huge problem. The more I have thought about it too, I feel that if it weren't for Will being a twin, we may not have figured it out for a long time. Jake is so far ahead where Will is, and as that difference grew more and more, I knew something wasn't quite right. We do feel blessed to have found out what it is at an early age.

Dang, I keep getting side-tracked!! So our crazy schedule looked like this for the past month and a half: Ben to school everyday on the bus at 7:30am. Pick up at bus stop at 3:45pm. Jake on the bus with Ben at 7:30am MWF. Pick up at school at 10:45am. No school T/TH. Drive Will to the "apple school" at 9am MWF. Pick up MW at 12:30 because he took his lunch and ate it there before his computer class from 12-12:30. Pick up Fridays at 11:30am. T/TH bus picks up Will at. our. house. (!) at 8:25am to take to the "new school" and bus drops him off at. our. house. at 11:10am. And in the middle of all this craziness, let's start Will on some new medication!

Well, we did and we have kept a close watch on it. The medicine only works for 4 hours, basically the time he is away from us at school, so we haven't really seen much of a change here at home. However, it's a completely different story at school--the change Jeri saw at school from March until now has been staggering. He can sit, listen, and focus on what is going on. He doesn't have to be guided by her in everything that he does and can finish a task he starts. Even though I haven't seen it in action, I am still in shock at the transformation he has gone through. In Jeri's own words, "Will had a great day. His willingness to try and complete activities today was outstanding. Cheerful and fun personality--good Friday. p.s. Each center change was about 15 minutes and he stayed!" And that was written on only the 3rd day he was on medication! All seemed to be going well, but...

About 3 weeks ago we met with the "new school" teacher, who was developing an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for Will. She shared with us that she felt Will wasn't getting the full benefit of the class because he was only there part of the time, and that she really felt he needed to be there every day they had class, Mondays through Thursdays. At this point I didn't think there would be much that could really surprise me anymore, but this one really shook me up. How could we give up Miss Jeri at this point, when she has worked so hard and had such a close relationship with Will?

Shortly after that meeting Will went off-track (year-round school) for two weeks from the "new school," and we arranged a meeting with Jeri and Kathleen (not to be confused with his "new school" teacher, also named Kathleen! Poor kid trying to keep this all straight!!). We went in to the meeting prepared to keep things as-is. After all, there were only a few weeks left of school at Newcastle and Will had been with this class all year, but we wanted Jeri and Kathleen's input because we really valued what they thought. Jeri and "new school" Kathleen had talked before about Will, so Jeri had some clue what was going on. As the four of us were talking that day, it became apparent that as much as they love Will and for selfish reason would love to keep him there, that they felt the resources the district had to offer was too good for Will to pass up. I appreciate that they had his interest as a student in mind, but still it wasn't any easier realizing we were going to have to say goodby to this school and Miss Jeri, who we have grown to love so much. By the end of the meeting we were all in tears.

However, Will still had a few days of class to attend because the other school was off-track. I saw her several times during this time, and she said this was not easy on her at all--it wasn't on me either because every time she said that I had to hold back the tears again!! On his final day last week, he took in a little treat for the rest of the boys in his class, and he wanted to give Miss Jeri a plant. When I came to pick him up I wanted to get a picture of him with Jeri, Kathleen, and Lisa (his computer teacher), but realized I forgot an SD card for my camera! Duh!! Larry took a picture, but I haven't gotten it from him yet, but will post it when I do. We parted well--Jeri said she was trying to be good then but would just cry all the way home--and that's just what I did too. I was a mess, and Will was sad too.

(Obviously I've got the picture now--l to r: Kathleen, Will, Jeri, Lisa, and Jake--who couldn't resist being in the picture!)

We have gotten through it, though, and Will started back to his new preschool this week. He will be with Kathleen and this class until July 2(!), and I'm excited to see what will happen between now and then with Will. Will is signed up for school at Riverton Elementary this coming school year, but even that is still up in the air because he will probably qualify for what is called diagnostic kindergarten, which is a smaller class to get the help he really needs (we find out in a couple weeks I think). I took Will in the other day for an Intake with the district to see if he qualifies for counseling, which he does, and we will start that soon. I think the counseling is more for us as parents, in learning how to deal with a child who has a disability. We will be doing that with Dr. Illes, the school psychologist at Riverton Elementary--he's the one who also has ADHD, and who I think will be a huge help to us.

I have to say, that I never saw this one coming. I feel very good and at peace with what is happening now. Daren and I are grateful for the support we have received up to this point. I really feel that we were guided to Miss Jeri, who I can't thank enough for helping to change all of our lives. This picture was taken at school a couple weeks ago, and Jeri gave it to Will on his last day of school. You rarely find teachers like Jeri, and we are so grateful she was a huge part of Will's life up to this point.

I'm sure this may not seem like it's that big of a deal, but to our family it has been. It's easy to show the happy face, but you never really know what could be going on in someone else's life. Don't get me wrong, I love our three boys and wouldn't trade them for anyone else, but they are still so exhausting and this parenting thing can be so hard. I try to remember they are only young once and to try to enjoy it more, but some days it's all I can do just to get through it. So there you go. Our non-perfect life, but still a great one. :)